Sean's 1st post

“I get to coach Little League baseball.”  This is all I’ve been able to think about since we found out we’re having a baby.  I get to coach Little League baseball, and no one can think I’m weird or creepy because hey - I’ve got a kid on the team.   

Okay, that’s not ALL I’ve been thinking about:

I’d like to coach basketball too.  Seriously though, whether our child is a boy or a girl…they’re going to play organized sports.

Okay, okay, I’m done joking around…for now.  I can’t tell you how excited I am to be a father.  Whatever its gender, this beast is going to be SO loved it’s ridiculous.  Jess & I are extremely excited to be starting this new chapter of our lives together, and the support and encouragement we've received has been amazing.  We seriously can't thank everyone enough for their good vibes and well wishes. 

 

Now, the first time all of this really “hit” me was during the first ultrasound.  Even the previous visit in which we heard its little heartbeat for the first time, it didn’t really set it.  When I saw this…THING for the first time though…blurry like Sasquatch, sleeping inside my fiancé’s uterus – it was beautiful.  I allowed myself to really get excited for the first time. 

That excitement lasted for about thirty seconds.  At which point, the doctor started rattling off all of the terrible diseases it could be born with.  Don’t get me wrong; Jess & I are going to love this baby even it’s nothing but stumps and a wad of hair.  Still, there are SO many things to stress out about, my mind hasn’t stopped racing.  Part of me welcomes the worry of medical issues, if only because it distracts from the financial issues.

These first couple months have been weirdly rough for me.  So much of the focus is on Jessica (as it should be, and probably will be ‘til it pops out) that I feel helpless most of the time.  I mean, what can I really do at this point?  Make sure she’s comfortable, try not to irritate her (any more than I usually do), and remind her that she’s going to be a fantastic mother.  Oh, and read LOTS of books.  Sometimes I feel guilty about everything – like I’ve infected her with this alien organism, and now I just get to sit back and wait until it bursts from between her legs, probably wearing a top hat and whirling a cane.  How those got into Jessica’s uterus…I’ll never tell.  “Well now wait a second, Sean, what if it pops out wearing a dress and tiara?”  Glad you asked, Sean.  If that happens, it probably means he’s gay.

Truth be told, I’ve never really thought too hard about whether or not it’s going to be a boy or a girl.  I meant what I said earlier about stumps and hair.  Really, at this point it’s completely out of our control.  Dwight from The Office would disagree:

“It’s simple.  For the first hour after conception, apply extreme heat to the uterus.  For the next three months, extreme cold.”

Tell you what though – for all the stress and worry and fear and uncertainty that creeps into my head hourly...for all the terrible and disturbing things I’ve never even thought to think about until now…I know that whenever things get tough, no matter what fears creep in – “I get to coach Little League baseball.”